Man Plans…

…and God laughs.

I woke up yesterday morning with a sore throat and a weak body.  My throat had been sore the day before, but I was hoping it was just the weather and that I’d be fine the next morning.

I knew I couldn’t start the walk feeling this way, which was really demoralizing.  I started asking myself what this meant:  did it mean that I was wrong to attempt this again?  That I wasn’t strong enough?  Was this some kind of test?

I started taking it personally, looking at it as yet another failure.  And that showed me how much my ego is wrapped up in this.  Getting sick (I think now it is allergy-related) was a cold dose of reality.   I’ve been trying to do this according to my time table, and not necessarily God’s.  I’ve been trying to maintain a certain degree of control over this whole project, and my current  state of being is showing me just how little control I actually have.

This pilgrimage, this walk…it doesn’t belong to me.  It’s not for me.

“Come now, you who say, ‘Today or tomorrow we will go to such and such a town and spend a year there, doing business and making money.’ Yet you do not even know what tomorrow will bring.  For you are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.  Instead you ought to say, “If the Lord wishes, we will live and do this this or that.'” – James 4:13-15

Whatever He wishes, let it be so.

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2 thoughts on “Man Plans…

  1. Hi Daryl Watson. I am so excited for you. You can do it. You are as ready as you will ever be. I left a week after i said i would for my 3 month walk to the Gulf of Mexico from Ohio. I kept finding excuses not to go just yet. I kept saying “I’m leaving tomorrow” and then wouldn’t. More people than not were against me going and that had me questioning things ALOT. People were so concerned for my safety. It just kept feeling not right to go when for months of planning it had felt so certain. I know now that I was just scared out of my gourd and fear is powerful. So after a week of deliberation, I stopped saying i was leaving tomorrow and took a day to myself and just meditated on fear. As Seth Godin says “The fearless person is well aware of the fear she faces. The fear, though, becomes a compass, not a barrier. It becomes a way to know what to do next, not an evil demon to be extinguished. When we deny our fear, we make it stronger. When we reassure the voice in our head by rationally reminding it of everything that will go right, we actually reinforce it.
    Pushing back on fear doesn’t make us brave and it doesn’t make us fearless. Acknowledging fear and moving on is a very different approach, one that permits it to exist without strengthening it.
    Life without fear doesn’t last very long–you’ll be run over by a bus (or a boss) before you know it. The fearless person, on the other hand, sees the world as it is (fear included) and then makes smart (and brave) decisions.”
    Without telling everyone that i was really going this time, I left the next day unannounced, feeling more afraid than i ever had in my life. But what was different about that day is that I could feel a strength and a bravery arising from that fear, not as a combative to that fear. I was totally in touch with the fear instead of trying to talk myself out of it. So my advice to you is to leave when you are absolutely scared shitless, not when you feel calm and ready. Its like when Luke Skywalker told Yoda “I’m not afraid” and Yoda replied “You will be,” and then he repeated it for dramatic effect….”You will be.”
    You are not in danger of making a wrong decision in doing this. You must free your mind from right and wrong when it comes to this. I believe your soul needs to do this, for reasons that aren’t clear to you now (or may never be). But you don’t need to know why your soul needs to do this (that’s your mind and your ego), you just need to start walking, its that simple. Many won’t understand why you are doing such a thing but that’s ok. We always expect people to understand us, but how can they? People do things all the time that you don’t understand, right? They are guided by other forces than you. Just concern yourself with your guides. Don’t worry about disappointing anyone. Your first attempt didn’t disappoint anyone nearly as much as it disappointed yourself. In fact, your first attempt (don’t call it a failure) inspired and enlightened a fuck ton of people thanks to the radio interview…not that that’s a reason to do this. You have got to be gentle and forgiving with yourself if this is going to work this time. if you need someone to talk to who might have some idea of what you’re feeling please don’t hesitate to contact me. I myself have no regrets about my walk (except for maybe coming back!) and i know you won’t either. I constantly draw upon all that i learned from it. Just do it! You can, you can! You have strength in you that you are just beginning to discover. Also keep in mind….this doesn’t have to be a big deal. There’s nothing extraordinary about putting one foot in front of the other. Your ego is making this into a bigger production than it has to be.
    Peace be with you,
    Sarah Baker

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  2. Peace Pilgrim walked with a purpose. It took her 15 years to prepare for her pilgrimage. During that time she relinquished her demons and became truly free.

    Walk to Egg Harbor City, the birthplace of Peace Pilgrim and an International City of Peace, for the 6th annual Peace Pilgrim Celebration, Sept. 20-22, 2013. The three-day celebration coincides with the International Day of Peace. Learn more at http://www.peacepilgrim100.com.

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