…and God laughs.
I woke up yesterday morning with a sore throat and a weak body. My throat had been sore the day before, but I was hoping it was just the weather and that I’d be fine the next morning.
I knew I couldn’t start the walk feeling this way, which was really demoralizing. I started asking myself what this meant: did it mean that I was wrong to attempt this again? That I wasn’t strong enough? Was this some kind of test?
I started taking it personally, looking at it as yet another failure. And that showed me how much my ego is wrapped up in this. Getting sick (I think now it is allergy-related) was a cold dose of reality. I’ve been trying to do this according to my time table, and not necessarily God’s. I’ve been trying to maintain a certain degree of control over this whole project, and my current state of being is showing me just how little control I actually have.
This pilgrimage, this walk…it doesn’t belong to me. It’s not for me.
“Come now, you who say, ‘Today or tomorrow we will go to such and such a town and spend a year there, doing business and making money.’ Yet you do not even know what tomorrow will bring. For you are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, “If the Lord wishes, we will live and do this this or that.'” – James 4:13-15
Whatever He wishes, let it be so.